ive got so many many things to type but not much time to write.. grr.. yest was a very bad day.. was lost in the ubi industrial and was feeling quite sick cos of the hot weather that made me cry in the middle of the junction not knowing what to do. daddy dunno what im talking abt and he jus keep asking me to get a taxi when there is no way out. grr.. after settling driving sch stuff.. i went to meet jinying.. before dat baby called, realy wish he was by my side den.. but i noe its not possible.. the pekchek thing was that he cant hear me clearly.. think my phone is ahving some prob. argh.. hate it.. one thing that i never change my phone is becos i felt an affinity with my phone. u can say im crazy.. but it true. i lost this phone twice.. twice and it is returned back to me.. how lucky can i get? anyway think i really need to change phone soon or my phone is going to give me a lot more prob with everyone else.. reaching ps and talking to jinying followed by esther was fun and relaxing.. heearing abt jinying tioman trip makes me realy envy with joy as she can be witht the fishes in the world.. wow.. my achilles heel for nature is the wide and clear blue sea... i dunno y but i jus like the vastless ocean that seems to have no boundary. i remember liking to go my fav marina promenade to look at the sea.. whenever i am down (other den my fav airport place) hee.. she went with gab and his frens.. so lucky rite? dun think my mum wil ever let me go on holiday jus with a guy.. she will worry a lot a lot.. and in the end, i will jus give up and say im not going.. not going not becos im tired of her nagging but becos i dun wan to make her worry for nothing.. esther and jinying touched abt going overseas attachmenet and sep. i wonder.. arts dun really have such things unless u are super duper outstanding.. which im not.. sep is a memorable and fun thing but the thing is u need to have money. i dun wish to put pressure on my parents financial again.. cos i noe once after i graduate.. i am in debt becos of the tuition fees.. i always tot mum and dad has saved for my uni fees. which they did in the past but den they ultimately used it to save their M&J co which is crashed by the ever so high mighty 2nd uncle son.. grr. dun wan to talk abt them oso.. anywya though i wish to go sep.. i noe i wun go at all. so off the sep idea...after chatting we even went to the arcade and played 4 games.. dumb, silly but a bit relieving but slaaping those things that never fail to amuse the child in us.
went to walk shrek after walking around.. its funny. lots of slapstick from every movie.. hahahah.really had a good laugh... needed those luff badly.. sometimes cartoon moovies make me happy cos the child in me jus appears and covers all my unhappiness with the ugly growing world and surroundsing that is around me.. hee. will watch home on the range that is coming soon. think that wil be a good movie again. hee haw...
rushed back home after that cos i tot i will be meeting my sis at 630pm in te interchange.. my phone went flat,, damn it., and i waited.. waited til 7 plus and my sis can teel me that she tot mum say go at 8 when i told at 630.. and of cos this brought mum to start her own nagging and she tot effective talk session when we came back.. grr... gogin tto the stadium to walk around was the most enjoyable thing i like.. though my arms hurt from carrying a bag.. and the air with the humidity level so high.. i felt calm and cool inside.. dun feel a tinge of irritatedness at all. jus walk with the candle in my hand and mouth na mo or ni tou fo with the music.. i remmebered i never like to go temple or such stuff when i was younger. i hated it when my mum forced me.. i hated it not becos i hate to pray butr rahter i hate the jostling of the old people. i always wondered.. tot the buddism teaching always aask people to be patient and jus wait for ur turn. but its not happening to singaporeans and everyone else.. people jus like to rush. even for getting joss sticks. do u noe how scared i was as i feare the joss sticks would poke and ruin my face.. cant stand thodse people. things got better til mum brought me to a temple in tampiness. there, there are not much jostling.. and not much pushing from old woman.. they always say give way to the old woman. i think these old woman are too strong at times and they push to make us give way... luckily im not a petty person but i always shake at their unberable actions. i only got to acceot praying when mummy did not really force me to pray for a period of time.. i dun like to be forced into prayers.. i feel its not sincere from within my heart if it is forcded... mumy always say im impatient and i should be praying becos of that.. i pray for a silent piece of calmness that no one can c.. and i dun pray cos mum wan me to.. she irritates me with her logic of me praying cos it simply go against what im doing.. i prayed and somehow prayers along my life help me a lot.. helped my frens a lot as well, thats y i believe in it at times.. i always think all religions are the same as there is this one god up there. thats y i dun mind going to the church as well. however, as my family is a devpoted buddhist, as enforced by my devoted mum, i always pray to the buddha.. i think i will continue doing that even when i grow old.. and i dun think i will stop. yest while walking, there is this young married couple that went with their young daughter and son. the father was piggy backing his son while the daughter held the mum and her granny hand.. the whole scene looked so sweet and it make me wonder.. wil my future husband do that with me. or wil he leave me to pray what i want and jus stay at home next time. i have a feeling the latter will happen to me.. cos i realised none. none of anyonje i had ever luff was in connection with any religion.. sometimes that saddens me.. cos i always think if i aguy can be devoted to his religion, he can be devoted in whatever he do, his family and of cos to u.. i was ever attracted to young guys who is willing to pray.. not the ardent kind. but going to the temple time to time.. not for the sake of asking something but jus praying.. k. think i need to go for my training now.. if not i will be late again.. goshthe water is going to be cold today.. and i am stil having my blocked nose.. grr.. thank you the "up there" for giving me the strength and calmness for continuing my life.. thank you.. alright need to go soon. what a long post i wrote today! hee..