feeling quite disappointed with some of my frens now
tot they will come support me
but in the end
they didnt..
mayb its the cost
mayb its the wrong timing
mayb its me..
i dunno
dun feel that good now
feeling rather moody
felt like a loner suddenly

i realised that when one grows older, one has Too little time for the too many frens u have. i dun deny that im guilty of not meeting up with my frens often enuff to catch up on old times. everytime when they msg me if i can meet them, i am always so caught up with either trainings or hall commitments.. recently, im more into family as well. weekends are usually family time n becos of that I dun have much time for my baby as well.if i really need to count, i think the no of times i meet my baby per month would only count to abt 3 to 4 times. I dunno how wld others perceive it as.. but i think its rather bad to a certain extent. why. not becos im sticky to my bf or wat.. but its jus that my baby will be going overseas to study in july.. if i cant spend enuff time with him when hes in spore, i cant imagine myself holding on to a rtnship where we cannot c each other for one yr. distance will pull us even further apart and we will be like strangers in time to come.

even though the no of times i meet my baby r rather little, im glad we are still getting on fine. I managed to spend my CNy this yr without him.. and will be spending my Vday without him as well (cos tat lee yicheng calvin is in new zealand with his family looking at baa baa WHIte SHeeps!).. i guess this is the compromise that we have of each other. frens.. and esp family will come first beofre us... thank u for being so understanding all these while abt this.. thank u..

they always say that time is organised by oneself. mayb im a bad organiser.. i seem not to have enuff time for everyone to please them as much as they can. i try my best if i can. i really try. For every gathering, i try to be there. i try to reply my fastest reply so that it will not make things difficult for the organiser. it sucks being an organiser n i truly understnad that feeling. msgin people who cant be bothered to reply is the worst. many times, i wan to give up organising gatherings for frens. i felt it even worse when people will go "wah lao, why so little people?" what the hell.. whenever i hear that, my whole face jus turn black.. im trying here to organise something for u all, is that all that i can ask for. i dun need any thanks. i dun need any rewards. neither do i need any sacarsm that simply hurts a broken heart.

ok.. im typing in a rather incoherent manner. the words in this whole big entry doesnt seem to flow. and i jus type what i am thinking. its bad writing style.. but ya.. i cant be bothere. think i gotta go do what i need to..this is the last week of productions.. jus had meeting with mel and hans in the afternoon. the work schedule is horrendous due to the few holidays we had during Chinese new year.. anyway to promote it another time.. who wants to go watch a stage play entittled spoilt.. its on 19th, 20th feb 2005, 730pm, $12, free seating. pls tell me if u wan the ticks k.. will appreciate a lot.. im very thankful to frens who are coming down to support me in buying these tic.. im tahnkful to my sis for asking her frens as well..
thank you lots.. i really appreciate it a lot.. thank u..